Overheard in New York
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
The Voice of the City2009-01-05T18:00:00-05:00So I Told Her I Hadn't Seen Him in There, But I'd Check Again
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017565.html
Large man, in t-shirt and shorts, on cell: So I gave my ex-new-girlfriend... Small man: Ex-new-girlfriend?! Large man: Let me finish...I gave her a tour of my apartment, and when she asked why my closet door looked like it was about to come off its hinges I told her I had dead babies in there, as a joke. Apparently, her brother died when he was three months old.
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Djlindee2009-01-05T18:00:00-05:00Or We Can See Some Nudity
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017564.html
Poetry slam emcee: Hi, everyone! Wow, what a great turnout...I think you're all Emma's friends. She's first, but we have a great line-up, so please don't leave. Stay! Emma's friend, sotto voce: Dude, it's a poetry reading, even Emma is leaving unless you give everyone another drink ticket.
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Djlindee2009-01-05T16:00:00-05:00This Season's Most Unlikely Friendship
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017563.html
MTA guy: Okay, folks, everyone out! This train is going out of service! C'mon, mister, off the train! Let's go, let's go! Hobo, dragging enormous black trash bag: I'm going, man...my bag tore. You got another bag? I need another bag. MTA guy: You want a bag from me? Damn! They hardly pay me anything, I can barely feed my family, when we go on strike y'all get mad at us, and now you want a bag? Ease up, man, ease up! (pause) MTA guy: Hey, man, your pants are falling down. Hobo: Yeah, I can't keep 'em up. MTA guy: You know why that is? 'cause you got the baggy fit underneath the boot cut! With the straight cut in between! Hobo: I used to have an overcoat. I loved that overcoat. You should have seen it. I loved that coat. MTA guy: You got five coats already! What do you need with another one? [pauses] Hobo: Hey, you won't believe what I saw on the train the other day. MTA guy: What's that? Hobo: A man beatin' up on his lady. MTA guy: Oh yeah? Hobo: Yeah. With his shoe. MTA guy: With his shoe! No way, man. Hobo: I saw it. MTA guy: Why didn't you stop him? You should have stopped him! Hobo: Well... He was a big guy. MTA guy: You should have stopped him! You should have hit him with your big Santa bag! Why didn't you hit him with your big Santa bag?
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Djlindee2009-01-05T14:00:00-05:00What, No "Package" Joke?
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017562.html
Man, after quizzing guy wearing shirt that says "Lay a ghost ceremony": "Lay a ghost ceremony"? I had to ask. I thought it was sexual. Woman: I'm glad you did, I was wondering too. Man: It's because I'm a Scorpio. Everything is sexual to me. Even the US Postal Service box is saying something sexual to me. I mean, come on, "All service window?" You can't tell me that doesn't sound sexual. (woman gets her package and leaves) Man: Have a good day! Don't forget about the all service window!
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Djlindee2009-01-05T12:00:00-05:00God, Poor People Are So Bad at Physics
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017561.html
B&T daughter: Let's move to the front, we still have eight minutes. B&T mother: Oh my god, are we moving?! Random guy: Uh, that's the other train that's moving.
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Djlindee2009-01-05T10:00:00-05:00Samantha Jones Finally Gets Desperate
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017560.html
50-something woman: I'm looking for a book. It's called something like The Cougar's Guide. Assistant: Err...do you know who it's by? 50-something woman: No. But I heard it just came out. The Cougar's Handbook or something. Assistant: Well, there's not a lot I can do if you don't know the name or the author. 50-something woman: Can you do a search with the word "cougar"? Or "snare"? I think it had "snare" in the title. Assistant: Err...okay, I can try.
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Djlindee2009-01-05T08:00:00-05:00And, the Way You Go Through Rabbits, That's a Big Threat
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017559.html
Six-year-old girl to dog (repeatedly): High-five! High-five! High-five! (dog dodges her and owner ignores her) Girl's grandmother, excitedly: I just know, in my heart of hearts, she's going to be a veterinarian when she grows up. She just loves animals so much! Even our little rabbits she carries around...I just know she's going to be a veterinarian! (dog's owner goes to counter to check out) Grandmother: Okay, honey, it's time to let the man check out. Let's go. Girl, leaving dog: High-five! High-five! High-five! (passes gum ball machine) Oooh, gum ball! (begins putting money in) Grandmother: If you put money in there, I'll never get you anything ever again.
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Djlindee2009-01-05T06:00:00-05:00Two Words That Are Really Interchangable
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017594.html
(conductor makes muffled announcement) Girl #1: (gasp) Girl #2: What did she say? Girl #1: "Stand clear of the closing doors, bitch!" Woman nearby: I think she said "please". Man: I like their version better.
--A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Headline by: Dawgn Heat
Runners-Up: · "Dave Chappelle's New Job As Subway Conductor Poses Some Problems" - Andrew · "It Could Have Been, "Bitch, Please!" and Everyone Would Have Been Happy" - Jared Rizzi · "Ludacris Finds Himself Unexpectedly Inspired" - SmR · "Makes You Wonder What Charlie Brown's Parents Were Really Saying" - Jeff · "You Have to Use Profanity to Be Taken Seriously in New York" - KAC
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Djlindee2009-01-05T06:00:00-05:00Last Time, She Got Him Up to a Cadillac and Diamond Earrings
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017558.html
New York Post woman at Union Square station: Free pooooost! Bag vendor, after minutes of repetition: Lady, our heads are going to explode! Woman: Free Pooooost! Bag vendor: All vendors, help me let her know! Woman: Free Pooooost! Bag vendor: Lady, I'll buy you lunch! Woman: Free Pooooost! Bag vendor: I'll give you cash! Woman: Free pooooost! Bag vendor: Come work for me, "free totes!" Woman: Free pooooost!
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Djlindee2009-01-05T04:00:00-05:00Still, She Makes a Ton of Money From Selling Her Side Fat on the Open Market
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017557.html
Guy: So, on the show this girl got two gobs of fat taken out of her sides. So, then they showed a "before" and "after" picture and it was like, "before," lots of fat. "After," still some fat, and stretch marks and a nasty scar. So then they went out to eat and she's eating pasta from her plate, pasta from her mom's plate, and then she gets this big hoagie. And I'm thinking, "this bitch is going to be fat again in two months."
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Djlindee2009-01-05T02:00:00-05:00Trump: Is It a Quality /Mercedes Brand Dick?
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017556.html
Overprivileged yuppie #1: Did you see that? Dude, did you *see* that?! Man, I *own* this fucking city! Overprivileged yuppie #2: No you don't, skizzball. Donald Trump owns this fucking city. Overprivileged yuppie #1: Donald Trump can suck my dick!
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Djlindee2009-01-05T00:00:00-05:00You Just Ollied Into My Heart
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017555.html
Black teen, with I skate NY logo shirt: Hey, hey, what's the line for? Confused white girl: I don't get your shirt. Black teen: (amazed silence) Confused white girl: Ohhh, it's a skateboard! Black teen: Haha, yeah. Confused white girl: No, no, I thought it was a...a picture of a guy with a unibrow and no mouth? Black teen: Hey, lemme see your eyes...you have beautiful eyes.
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Djlindee2009-01-04T22:00:00-05:00Two Men and a Booby
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017554.html
Screaming deranged lesbian to gay leathermen: Who's the titty toucher? (bewildered looks all around, then a gay leatherman sheepishly raises hand) Screaming deranged lesbian: Here's a 10% coupon! Thanks for the titty grope!
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Djlindee2009-01-04T20:00:00-05:00If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017552.html
Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind? Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to. Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand. Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it? Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand. Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle...shame on you...lose some weight...go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there.
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Djlindee2009-01-04T18:00:00-05:00To Be Fair, Billie Joe Armstrong Looks Like Someone Who'd Be Carrying a Machine Gun or a Bomb
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/017551.html
Man with bottle of booze in paper bag: Is that a machine gun or a bomb? Boy with guitar: No, I'm just carrying my guitar.